Meaning in the Mundane

I don't know how to spell the word gray. Black and white are easy to spell - but gray? I never know whether to use the e or the a. But maybe there's meaning there... Black and white are definitive colors. They have one shade each. And one spelling each. As soon as black is mixed with the tiniest drop of white, it is considered gray. Similarly the tiniest bit of black turns white to gray. Appropriately, gray, which comes in many different shades, also has more than one spelling. Gray is neither up nor down. Neither here nor there. Neither right nor wrong. It's inbetweenness is what makes gray gray. Or grey grey...? The people I look up to and hope to emulate the most are those who know how to live in the gray. Certainly there are some things in life that truly ARE black or white. But there are so many people who make up blacks and whites about the way other people behave and live -- blacks and whites that don't belong in gray areas. But then you come across the rar...

I work as an office administrator in a busy doctor's office. Creating and maintaining order in chaos is my job. With so much to keep track of, forgetting happens frequently. My forgetting can negatively impact our patients as well as my coworkers. DAILY some piece of information or other slips through the cracks in my brain and falls into the abyss of forgotten information from whence it cannot be retrieved. Occasionally I can bungee jump down into the abyss and bring up small loads of previously forgotten information. But for the most part, once it's fallen down there, there's no retrieving it. But where is the meaning behind all of this forgetting? It means that I am human. And maybe that's all that it means. My forgetting doesn't mean that I don't care. It doesn't mean I'm not working hard. It just means that my brain has limited storage space. Because I'm human. Maybe to be human is just to experience forgetting sometimes.

The words are stuck today Like gum in a child's hair Like chewing gum in a tangled, mangled mess of a child's hair. The words feel dull today Like rain on a gloomy day Like rain on a very grey, overcast, colorless day. The words are asleep today Like a bear in hibernation Like a bear in a deep and unwakeable hibernation. The words won't play today Like children who have a fever Like very sick children in bed with a terrible fever. The words are stuck The words feel dull The words are asleep The word won't play The words are just stuck today

I cannot focus today. All the stuff in my brain is in the way. I cannot work today. Can't keep track of it all, my brain is too small. I cannot smile today. The world is weighing me down. I've got to get out of this town. Got to run with the wind at my back through the fields Got to swim in the clearest crisp waters Got to ride on horseback through the cool green woods Got to feel, got to live, got to be No more of this stress No more of the hurry No more of the ever-persistent worry I just want to fly I just want to soar Higher than ever I've soared before O'er puffy white clouds Past migrating geese I want to splash down into salt water seas Want to swim with sea turtles, Slide with grey seals I just want to know how all of this feels. I cannot stay here today. All the dreams in my head cause my thoughts to stray I cannot focus today. I'll daydream the day away.

I'd like to sail away today on a ship run on stardust and rainbows We'd sail along o'er sparkling seas Where dolphins and whales dance about Occasional mermaids are spotted afar as they leap from the sea out into the sun. We'd anchor the ship along islands where bright colored butterflies flutter through tropical leaves Lizards would live there The friendliest kind Whose scales are soft And whose colors are vibrant They'd gracefully glide 'cross the sand on the beach Stopping to hide 'neath the shade of the palms Occasional crabs would poke out their heads And they'd grab at the seagull's food with their claws. Then back to their homes they would creep with their loot And the seagulls would caw and mourn their lost meal as they circled about in the clear blue sky, diving down toward the water when silver fish lept In the shimmering waves of the crisp cool sea And the warmth of the sand would feel nice neath my b...

Head spinning Vision blurring Racing, racing, racing, racing Heart pounding Legs shaking Racing, racing, racing, racing Mouth dry Palms sweaty Racing, racing, racing, racing Get it all done Finish on time Racing, racing, racing, racing Do it all well Get it done right Racing, racing, racing, racing Stop. Listen. What sounds do you hear? Cars Zooming by Birds Softly chirping Stop. Look. What sights do you see? Sunlight Filtered through Green Tree leaves Stop. Feel. What sensations do you feel? Warm Sun on skin Breeze Gently blowing Stop the racing, racing, racing Listen. Look. Feel. Be.

Boredom is grey. Dreary. Long. Drawn out. Draining. But... It leaves time for the dust to settle. Time for the thoughts to simmer. Thoughts that are often Pushed to the back of my brain Now Linger. Time for processing. For mulling over The events of the day, of the week, of the month. The hurts that stung, The joys that delighted, The puzzles that puzzled me deep down inside. In boredom they float To the surface once more They percolate And drip Down Through the filters in my mind Like balls in hungry, hungry hippos When The balls are sorted and then come to rest Inside their respective hippos So my thoughts are sorted into their homes In moments of boredom comes rest And yet So often when I am bored It agitates me Irritates me Infuriates me Drives me to seek out something to do Something to distract From all of the thoughts inside my head Instead of allowing them To sit, To sort, To settle.